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I had a one night stand with these two crazy chicks. Somehow I got both of them pregnant and they both want to keep the kids. At this point I think my option is to jump ship and leave the state!

My girlfriend wouldn’t have sex with me because of a cut on a lip from shaving; she says that how people catch herpes! I told her that’s only if one us has herpes. She then tells me that it happened to her friend that way to witch I answer that’s cause your friend is a freak who makes out with guys that have herpes! To make a long story short I didn’t get laid thanks to a bad razor and a slutty friend. :(

I was having sex with my girlfriend when my leg seriously cramped and I fell off her bed and on top of her cat, which I could only imagine out of fear and anger scratched my balls so I kicked it away from me before it could do any more damage! My girlfriend got angry at me for kicking her cat and won’t talk to me and the medicine for my balls wasn’t covered by my insurance.

One of the things that really attracted me to my girlfriend were her great values even the fact that she’s a virgin, but saturday night after some serious foreplay she told me she couldn’t take it anymore and to finally put it in her ass. I asked, “Are you sure?” and she said “yeah if we do it back there I’m still a virgin”. I really don’t think that’s how it works and more than that what the hell has she been up too?!!!

Bathrooms are dangerous places for sex! It’s all fun and games till you slip in the tub bring down the shower curtain and knock your head on the toilet! 12 stictches and a bloody bathroom later you start considering adding a safety bar and a rubber nonslip mat!

My 1st marriage bomb’d like a fighter plane over Hiroshima. I should have known is was going in the gutter when I spent my wedding night sleeping while my new wife was consoling her divorce’, crying bride’s maid about one of my douchebag groom’s men who slept with her the night before and then brought a date to my wedding…

Some asshole was hitting on my girlfriend last night at our local bar while I was in the bathroom. When I got back he left but kept lingering. After a while I got annoyed and told him, you should have a few more beers before you go home by yourself to rub one out and cry yourself to sleep. My girlfriend didn’t find it funny. Guess who ended up home alone rubbing one out and crying them self to sleep. ME!

My friend had a girl who freaked out because of a poster he had on a wall of two girls kissing.  She is now called his ex…

I bought my boyfriend a wii for his birthday; he likes his new wii so much that we no longer go out and we no longer have sex. I’m at the point where I’m thinking of breaking up with him, but at the same time I feel real guilty because I did get him the stupid wii!

Saw my new bf nude for the first time and he has a topless smurfette tattoo near his crotch. He’s the first normal guy I meet and now I find out he has a smurfette fetish!