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I used to work with this guy at one of my first jobs. One day I hear this strange noise out in the hall and he comes in the room. He gets up a little later goes in the hall, I hear another strange noise and he comes back in the room. He looks at me and says “watch out for them ducks out there.” He was farting in the hallway.

I had a good friend at work that was so clumsy they replaced the picture on the workers’ compensation poster with hers!

A friend of mine works for a hospital and had this one patient come in. The guy comes in for a tetanus shot for stepping on a nail. My friend asks to see where the nail penetrated the skin but there’s nothing. He had stepped on a nail that was lying on its side on the ground.

This guy came over my house one day for a party. I had a bunch of computer parts out lying around and he pointed at one and asked what it was. I was like dude, it’s a harddrive. He’s a computer programmer.

On my friends wedding night lightning hit his rental car, to which the priest excitedly said, “Thank God it wasn’t my car!!!”

i was living in a apt complex and this guy got hold of some mail fiu that has your social as your student id.. well he opened up a shit load of credit cards under my name (charged like 50,000) bucks on them over a two year span , we would cancel the cards and he would open new credit cards.. it was awful.. after 3 years i found out that he had stolen other ppl’s mail and stolen their credit as well.. he got arrested (FINALLY) , but his wife who drives a freaking mercedes and shops at macys... More ->

OH MY GOD DEE!!! My ex’s was bent.. reason why we broke up!!!

i once went on a date where the guy called himself the indian tornado… and then told me that he was working for a CIA and woulden’t reveal the languages he spoke cuz it was top secret!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEAT THAT!!!